I do not know.
“I do not know.”
Four words when verbally spoken aloud provide a physical sensation that can be likened to walls of a dam giving way and water gushing out.
To say, “I do not know” allows my whole body to soften. Releasing tension and tightness cultivated by subconscious clenching. These words relax the contraction of my jaw, chest, belly, pelvis, legs awakening me to the constant state of grasping I have been physically maintaining, mirroring my own mental clinging to the facade of certainty in response to aversion and fear of the unknown.
This experience of returning to the body after living in the mind is like journeying from outer space back to planet Earth. The mind has the energy of a beehive during the height of summer. A constant thrum of activity and action. The amygdala constantly surveying internal and external environments to ensure safety and belonging. The prefrontal cortex making decisions and planning for the future. It can be overstimulating and exhausting. Constantly trying to make sense of the world around me to understand my place, my role amongst it all. (Light hearted questions to ponder I know but this is an honest insight into the beehive of my mind!)
A dear friend once said to me, “Steph, I think you may be overwhelmed / tired because you are constantly trying to figure life out when really there is nothing to figure out. Life is just meant to be lived.”
Now this completely stopped me in my tracks. Firstly, how is it that other people can sometimes see what is going on better than we can see ourselves? Secondly, yes, yes and yes again. I have spent countless minutes, hours, days, weeks, months trying to “figure out” something that is not figure-out-able. Life. A span of time full of twists and turns us mere humans cannot foresee.
Feeling the need to have a plan or something to work towards can provide the illusion of a meaningful life. Knowing our direction of travel can make daily living feel like smooth sailing. An inner sense of, “I know what I am doing” and what this will result in. A perceived sense of certainty and safety. Perhaps it is a job, a relationship, a workout plan… all of which we think have guaranteed outcomes and so perhaps it stops the constant mind surveillance of working out what is happening next.
But do we really know this is certain? Do you really know you will stay in that job or relationship or achieve what you set out for at the end of the workout plan. What happens if the company goes bust? What happens if your partner leaves you? What happens if you twist your ankle and cannot finish the programme? I am not trying to be pessimistic or the bearer of bad news here I promise! I am simply saying that even when we think things are certain or guaranteed they might not be.
What is the point in identifying this?
It is not to leave you confused or to give myself a mic drop moment but rather to open up the possibility of seeing life in different perspectives. If we can acknowledge how little we know for certain what does that do for us?
Make us better listeners to the ideas and thoughts of other people.
Deepen the skill of introspection by reflecting inwards on what feelings / thoughts arise when our beliefs are challenged or disagreed with.
Be more spontaneous in our daily lives trusting in the opportunities and offers that appear unplanned.
Release the pressure and expectation we put on ourselves to know everything making more room for joy and ease.
Get less caught up in our own drama and personal soap operas of “she said this, he said that”.
Try new hobbies or activities without the fear of getting it wrong or being bad at something.
The practice of returning to “I do not know” has given me greater self-acceptance, more ease in social situations, humility and vulnerability in interactions with humans because it allows me to just show up as I am without feeling the need to present as perfect. “I do not know” allows me to remain in the present moment without feeling the need to construct the future before it arrives enabling a greater sense of calm and ease in my body each day.
For me, these benefits are worthy of having “I do not know” as a daily practice because feeling peaceful and at ease in myself is fundamental to my wellbeing. Not having to know all of the answers allows me to remain open to life and the constant evolving and unfolding of energy.
I do not know if it will 100% work for you. But it might. I invite you to see how it feels for yourself to say, “I do not know”.
One more thing:
Adding this section on as an after thought reflection… Imagine the crowds of Wembley have shouted ‘encore’.
Not to go against everything I have previously written but sometimes we do actually have to make decisions or take physical action. We exist in a physical realm after all! But if like me the mind can get a bit messy in weighing up pro’s, con’s and everything in between finding a congruent conclusion can be challenging especially when you start to explore Advaita philosophy (courtesy of Mr Matt Ryan) and realise thought, mind, beliefs are not what you are (more on that another time…)
The sentence, “I do not know”, has a bit of magic to it when you speak it aloud to your self and have the space and time to notice, listen to the souls response because when you do so all of the bullsh*t falls away and underneath there is often one answer or a pull in one direction of travel. We just have to get quiet enough and humble enough to be guided by forces other than the analytical mind. You may think I am woo woo at this point but why don’t you give it a go?
Once again, I do not know if it will 100% work for you. But it might. Perhaps that is enough for you to see what it feels like to say, “I do not know”.